With a heavy heart (and muffled laughter at the result) we bring you the finale in the “Race for the Chops”.
Going into Leg #3, we knew that there was a reality about finishing… we had to cross the line before Christmas, since almost all of us were travelling for the holidays. So with December 25th looming, everyone was racing two enemies — the Chops and the clock.
Stern Scoop Editor James finished in a convincing first place, crossing the line about 10 hours ahead of fellow Stern Scoop Editor, Chris (yes, I enjoy speaking in the third person). About a day behind us, the battle for the last podium spot was taking place between the Customer Service duo of Aaron and Warren for third place — Warren would cross the finish line first, taking bronze medal honors by a couple of hours.
With four of us safely across the line, the pressure was on Ian (Storefront), Mike (Fulfillment) and Jarrett (Rigging). Coming up to the 25th, Mike was in the worst position but still had hope, as none of the three had turned the corner for the final straight shot at Singapore. And then, it happened…
Mike was able to log in and make a final, necessary course correction to get across the line on the 27th. Ian and Jarrett were both without access to the internet, leading these titans of the tiller to make unscheduled stops on the Malaysian shoreline. Analyists noted that this quickly stopped being a race for the finish line and started being a race for a laptop and a Starbucks with free wi-fi. It was an truly impressive stand-off of standing off, neither skipper ready to blink in a battle of pure apathy.
But in the end, one skipper had to accidentally cross the finish line. And that skipper… was Ian.
This left Jarrett from the Rigging Department to feel the brutal sting of defeat… as he’ll soon feel the brutal itch of fresh facial hair growth. We’ll be taking pictures every two days, following the growth of the chops — sometime in the future, we’ll put together a little photo gallery chronicling the evolution. To Jarrett’s fiance’, please know that we’re very, very sorry; take pride in knowing that when your future husband makes a commitment, he does follow through.
And for those of you wondering what that might evolve into, here’s a sneak peak (that makes him look like a bad stunt double for Wolverine in the next X-Men movie):
Keep an eye out — we’re kicking around ideas for the next leg already. We might even let y’all race against us for a gift certificate… no promises though. Thanks for following the “Race for the Chops”!
1st Place – Scoop Editor, James (Overall: 6,307th)
2nd Place – Scoop Editor, Chris (Overall: 10,347th)
3rd Place – Warren from Customer Service (Overall: 18,536th)
4th Place – Aaron from Customer Service (Overall: 21,065th)
5th Place – Mike from Fulfillment (Overall: 41,000-ish)
6th Place – Ian from the Storefront (Overall: 45,678th)
7th Place – Jarrett from Rigging (Overall: 57,731st)